For some, actions speak louder than words: What you do is all that matters – or counts – in the world of relationship and communication. For others, words speak louder than actions: What you say means much more than what you do. Knowing and recognizing which way speaks loudest to you, and which way speaks loudest to the people around you, can avoid a ton of stress and unnecessary frustration … and even heartache.
Have you ever known or dealt with someone who receives a lot of help and support without really acknowledging it or repaying it in any way, shape, or form? The receiver seems oblivious to and even ungrateful for the wonderful gifts they are receiving; sometimes even expectant of them. Did you ever try to alleviate the situation, by talking it out or writing a letter, and did you suddenly find yourself cast as the “bad” guy who had now hurt that other person beyond belief and can never be forgiven? What happened there?
Words spoke louder than actions, didn’t they? This is where you sometimes wish you’d never said a word. The only way to alleviate the unbalance in a relationship such as this is to stop giving through action, not explanation. There’s no need to explain. Just do what you must do, which is to not do.
Now turn it around. Have you ever talked and talked to get your feelings or needs across to another individual in order to change what was happening in the relationship or project? Did the situation continue as is because the other individual claimed your inaction belied your words? And after so many attempts to be considerate with words, did you finally feel you had no choice but to either take action in order to achieve the changes you sought or desired or just give up? If you finally took matters into your own hands, did you become the “bad” guy again because you finally took action? Or did you give up to save the relationship, and are still regretting it today? What happened there to deserve such a lose, lose?
Actions spoke louder than words, right? Action people need to see it to believe it because they refuse to hear it. Don’t feel guilty when they come back and try to say you didn’t warn them. If you’re not getting any verbal consideration, stop thinking you need to be verbally considerate. Once or twice is okay, but ongoing is not.
It is truly a matter of self respect, personal choice, and responsibility to make your communications get heard; one way or the other. You can wear yourself out trying to do enough or explain, defend, or rationalize your Self to another person who will never change for you. If nothing you say seems to get through try doing it. If nothing you do seems to get through, try saying it. If neither works, realize you cannot change another person, you can only change yourself. Do what is best for you (ethically of course) because that’s what is best for everyone.