There comes a time in almost every woman’s life when she becomes so enamored, so completely addicted to one man, that she gives up her own identity, her very dignity for him. Often, this man is not Mr. Right, but is, in fact, Mr. Wrong. The problem with Mr. Wrong is that he feels so darn right at the time!
This has happened to me, and it took me nearly 5 years to get over the guy; and believe me, he truly was Mr. Wrong for a multitude of reasons. However, I was completely smitten by him. I loved his smile, his eyes, the way he walked, talked, laughed. When he was near me, I could literally “feel” him. If he walked up behind me in a crowded room, unannounced, I would know he was standing behind me. I was that aware of him. I guess the chemistry was just that strong.
In my case, he was not “available”, (meaning married!). It was a painful year in my life to be drawn to someone I couldn’t have. It was made even more painful by the fact that he said he felt the same way. Thus began a tortuous emotional affair that only got physical once. In my mind, I knew to stay away, but in my heart, and my body, I wanted only to be close to him. I tried putting that necessary distance between us on a couple of occasions. It lasted only a few days to maybe a week before he would contact me again with sweet words, wanting to know if I was alright and telling me he missed me.
Those words were like a hit of crack to a crack addict! I couldn’t resist them to save my life. Even worse than wanting him so badly, I found out that I was not the only one. Yep. He was a Tiger Woods before Tiger Woods ever hit the scene! The blow to my already flagging self-esteem was catastrophic. I was miserable; telling myself that not only was I not good enough to be some guy’s number one, but apparently not even good enough to be the one and only mistress!
This experience was the most masochistic learning experience of my life. I had to throw myself upon the rocky shore several times before I realized I needed help to break free. My friends, God bless them, intervened. They pointed out how depressed, how completely unlike myself I had become. They lifted me up when I was so low that ants could have walked over my back. They even loved me enough to be tough with me, telling me to stop being a dumb#$$ for someone who was not good enough for me. Good enough for me? Those words rang in my ears like church bells.
Here I was feeling like I was not good enough for this guy, when all along he was not good enough for me! Something clicked in me then. I began to remember who I was, who my mother raised me to be. I had to slap myself around a bit to wake up from the stupor I’d fallen into.
Then wonder of wonders, I slowly began to come back to myself. Hallelujah!
It was the last time I ever let a guy, or myself, make me feel not good enough. I had emerged from my addiction to Mr. Wrong a new person, a better person. I’m not at all proud of the fact that I fell hard for a married guy all those years ago, but I hope that my experience can help others avoid the pain and embarrassment of such a situation.
Words of wisdom to live by, gals. Mr. Right will never show up on your door step wearing a wedding ring. He will not make you feel unworthy. He will not be callous about your feelings.
Mr. Right will never cause you any doubt. He’ll be the guy who makes your day brighter by telling the world how special you are to him. He’ll never hide you in the dark or push you aside to make room for another.
If you’re in a situation like this one, and you don’t feel comfortable enough to talk to your friends about it, seek out one of the many great relationships counselors here in San Antonio. For a list of San Antonio Relationships Counselors and Therapists, click here.
Break you addiction to Mr. Wrong so that Mr. Right may find you!
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