I have a question for you about women. I’m a very good looking 34 year old Aussie male (Scorpio) that recently moved to San Francisco. I was married for 2 years, and our divorce will be final in May.
I left my wife due to no sex, emotional blackmail and her continual mental depression. I have now been separated for 10 months and have met a 22 year old girl. We really like each other but I’m worried that the same things will happen again.
My problem is that in any relationship that I have been in, I give 100%, however I have met no woman who has given even 50%. They seem to be very lazy. All I seem to do is give give give. I want to receive for a change!
I guess if no one can give 100% and feel normal then it must be terribly wrong. I find it hard to understand women, they seem to be a curse on me. I’m now considering becoming gay, that way I can at least escape the nightmares that I seem to have with women.
I find it very hard to take rejection and during my marriage I attempted suicide twice. Well I guess I’m now one more bitter man who wishes there is still hope. Do you have any advice for me?
Dear Losing Hope:
LOL!! Honey, you have not SEEN drama until you get involved with another guy. I have lots of gay friends and though a couple of the older fellas are in long-term very stable relationships, the younger ones in your age groups live a life straight out of a soap opera. In other words, looking at your same gender is no guarantee of an escape from emotional pain and confusion… its just a different brand of the same thing.
I suggest you stop giving so much. Hold back until you see solid evidence that a woman is the kind of woman you need – an active and enthusiastic participant in the relationship.
To maintain balance, we all need to play the role of lover, and we need to play the role of the loved one as well. The way that works is when you do all the work and do all the loving, you elimiate the other person’s need and desire to do anything. In your eagerness to love, you’ve already DONE it all, so what really is there for your partner to do?
If you plan all the dates, you do all the phoning, you do all the spending, you do all the hand holding and seduction, then you leave no blanks for your partner to step up and fill in. I’m getting the impression that you probably do all that because you feel you have to earn a woman’s love or something and to have her see you as Mr. Right.
We also have to look at the reality of your situation dude – YOU ARE MARRIED. Some women, being very cautious and protective of their emotions wouldn’t give very much to a man like you because you could always decide to go back to your wife and break her heart. Don’t laugh – those last-minute reconciliations happen frequently. So you should expect that a woman might like you a lot, but she’ll hold back emotionally while she waits for the divorce to become final and see what you are going to do.
However, there are women with a Prima Donna Diva complex that are truly lazy and expect to be waited on hand and foot by men. By using a cooler approach, you’ll be able to flesh them out pretty quickly though. By the time you have taken a woman out 3 to 4 times, she should be making an effort to reciprocate and ask you over for dinner, invite you to lunch, or spring for a movie and popcorn at the theatre or her place. She needs to invest some of her time and resources in your relationship.
If you find a woman unwilling to do that, then you’ll know you have another selfish woman on your hands and can cut your losses and move on immediately. Never be afraid of dumping someone that isn’t meeting your needs or making you feel accepted, supported and cared for.
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