I have a loving relationship with my boyfriend, and our sex life is great. However, he loves to pinch my nipples when we are not having sex such as when we are relaxing, watching television, or even while driving in the car. He doesn’t do it really hard, but it is a cross between pain and tickling, and I don’t like it. Not one bit. The only time I enjoy it is when we are making love. How can I get it through his head to stop unless I ask for it!? I’ve tried twice, and he just gets upset and acts like I’m the one that is hurting him!
Amy with Sore Nipples
Your boyfriend is obviously young, selfish and very immature. You seem to be more concerned about his feelings than you are about your man respecting you, which is why you are having such a difficult time demanding and receiving proper treatment from this guy. And the most important thing for you to acknowledge Amy is that when a woman is involved with a man that is hurting her over and over again IN ANY WAY, that woman is NOT in a loving relationship.
Your boy there flatly refuses to treat you and your body with the reverence and respect that it deserves. His behavior means that he views you as his property, and your body as his sexual plaything. In his mind you are there to give him what HE wants, WHEN he wants it the WAY he wants it.
So when your complaints, requests for and desires about YOUR body contradict what HE wants, he manipulates you into accepting his treatment by getting angry and pouting (so you won’t “make him upset”). His juvenile behavior means he wants you to give in and give him what he wants without complaint, no matter how uncomfortable or how much pain it causes you.
My my perspective, the message his behavior is sending is not at ALL part of a “very loving relationship.” I’m not convinced you truly understand the gravity of his behavior yourself in the big picture of a long-term dating relationship, but I hope this brief response to your letter gives you some insight.
Please sit him down and explain to him what I said. Don’t stop at “I don’t like it!” You tell his butt that his behavior is selfish, disrespectful to you, and more akin to sexual molestation than it is loving behavior. His refusal to acknowledge that his behavior violates boundaries that you have established for your body is the type of mentality rapists and child molesters have. These individuals also take advantage of their victim’s vulnerability, physical weakness, and even their emotional attachment, all while ignoring that person’s boundaries and rights to not be touched in a way that causes them psychological harm and/or physical pain.
Your boyfriend needs to understand how badly his behavior towards you and his treatment of your body is affecting your peace of mind. He really needs to keep his hands to himself and stop acting like a 12 year old kid, fascinated with boobs. It’s time for you to demand the respect he, as an adult male, should have been giving you all along without question.
Tell him that the next time he disrespects what you say about your body and hurts you in any way, you are gone and the relationship will be over. Only say it if you really mean it though. If you are not ready to drop him over this, then you’ll have to just continue to suffer in silence and take the abuse he dishes out until the day comes when you finally get tired of it and stand up for yourself.
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