“If a man is the head of a relationship, then the woman is the heart”.
The woman is usually the emotional thermometer in a relationship. If there is underlying tension in the relationship, the woman is usually the one who will notice it first.
Dr. Bob Grant, LPC said in his book, The woman men adore and never want to leave. “What I am about to describe to you is the essence of what I have seen over the past 14 years that separates those women who are successful in relationships from those who constantly struggle. If she is full of self-doubt and criticizes herself, it is guaranteed that these qualities will affect the way she perceives her man, regardless of how wonderful he might be. This type of woman either drives away good men or continually picks losers”.
It seems that for these women Dr. Grant has described, they just keep jumping from relationship to relationship thinking “oh this one is different, but it always ended up the same, the guy would be a loser, abusive or an alcoholic”, they do not even realize that they were the one’s creating and staying in the pattern.
The basic problem here is that they did not know how to listen to their heart. They mistook impulses for feelings. This type of woman is an intensity junkie. They end up dating men who arouse their impulses which spike high but then crash. Kind of like a caffeine or sugar rush. The effect only lasts so long, then you have to get more and more to get back to that high.
So what is your heart? It is not the physical heart within your chest we are talking of. Psychology describs it in a number of ways. It can be called your “inner child” or your “unconscious” or intuition. The Bible call it “the holy ghost or your “heart”.
Whatever you call it, it is the part of the brain that really makes the major decisions for us, whom we marry, what we decide to do with our lives, etc. Within your heart lies the ability to create all of your dreams; the magic you were keenly aware of when you dreamed as a child. The meaning of the word impossible did not exist when we were children.
Once an adult stops believing that dreams can come true, every adversity becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. In truth, dreams never die, they just get stashed away in the basement of our sub-conscious.
The front part of the brain controls speech and logical thinking, the back part of your brain controls the subconscious functions like breathing and heartbeats, this is where the heart is.
When a woman stops dreaming, she, in effect stops paying attention to her heart/unconscious/subconscious and begins labeling those deep intuitions and feelings as “silly” or “impossible”. It takes more energy to ignore your subconscious and many woman who complain about feeling overwhelmed are not even aware of how much energy they are expending to “keep it together”. Let go a little, go and enjoy life a little. Take a dream trip. Example, let’s say you have always dreamed of owning a Mercedes, go to the Mercedes dealership and test drive the one you want. It’s free and all you have to tell the salesman is “I’m not ready to buy just yet but maybe in a year”, set a goal for that dream. IT WORKS!!!!! Just go out and have fun with it, go look at what you want, take pictures, touch it. Whatever it takes, just do it. Let your heart open and be a child again, it won’t hurt anyone.
Tomorrow we will discuss “Listening to your feelings”. Don’t forget to subscribe to this column. Send me any questions and watch for your questions to be answered.
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Till next time,