For part one of the 2010 Grammy Awards Timeline, click here:
8:47 – Taylor Swift performs. I don’t know this song, but I’m going to go out on a limb and assume it’s about the tortures of being a teenage girl.
From Barb, via Facebook: No, it’s more complicated than that. It’s about a teenage girl in love.
8:49 – Uh-oh. It’s bad duet time as Stevie Nicks joins Swift for “Rhiannon.” No matter how high Stevie Nicks was (which was astronomical), she was never as flat as Taylor Swift on that song. Swift’s a great songwriter, but she’s just flat as a hammer on this one.
8:51 – Ladies and gentlemen, on the banjolin…Butch Walker. Swift is doing her own song in the style of his cover, check it out here. In fact, go buy it. It’s that good.
8:56 – Usher is doing a tribute performance to Michael Jackson. Isn’t every Usher performance a tribute to Michale Jackson?
9:07 – Cheryl Crow appears, wearing earrings so large that Nicolas Cage takes them from her, shines a light on the Declaration of Independence, and solves a mystery.
9:09 – Did Bon Jovi just say “pile of cheese” in one of the lyrics? I liked this Bon Jovi song better the first time I heard it, when it was “Born To Be My Baby.”
9:12 – Jennifer Nettles from Sugarland is onstage with Bon Jovi, and she’s wearing Sandy’s pants from the last scene of “Grease.”
9:14 – Man, I hope Tommy and Gina have made it by now, at least. That was twenty years ago, I hope she’s still not stuck at the diner all day.
9:26 – Wyclef Jean introducing Mary J, Bocelli and David Foster, singing a Simon and Garfunkel song in Italian. The poor people of Haiti couldn’t be more confused right now.
9:40 – We are all scolded by a record executive for downloading music illegally, like it’s 1999 and we’re all drunk on Napster again. Seriously, how are our musicians going to afford drugs and hookers if you steal their music, before the record industry gets a chance to steal it? This guy makes me want to steal albums, and bootleg them out of the trunk of my car.
9:42 – I know Dave Matthews Band is a jam band, but shouldn’t they have some kind of limit to the sheer number of people who are allowed to be on stage with them? There’s about fifty people up there right now. Any freeform musical experiment that needs a fire code exemption should probably be rethought.
David (from Facebook): I love Dave but he needs to lose the Ernest T. Bass facial expresssions.
10:03 – Jeff Beck plays with Imelda May in a tribute to Les Paul. If she’s actually singing that song, I’m a toaster. Did we really need to make a tribute to the guy who invented the electric guitar by a lip-synched performance?
10:11 – Travis Barker on the drums for Lil’ Wayne because, as Lewis Black would say, why the ^$#@ not?
10:13 – Hmm. Those gentlemen aren’t getting much use out of their belts. The busiest man in the industry right now is the guy working the seven-second delay to keep profanity from spilling
10:22 – Pearl Jam…for Target. Make your own jokes here.
10:27 – Country singer Taylor Swift wins Grammy for album of the year. In other news, this year’s CMA awards will feature a salute to Lil’ John’s gold teeth.
For more info: Check out part one of this article, or follow Reid on Facebook or Twitter.