“One morning Sharon asked me: “Did you have a good night last night, Ozzy?”
All I could remember was playing with the kids in the garden, making Jack laugh by tickling his tummy, telling a few funny jokes, and eating one too many slices of Kelly’s birthday cake. “You should have seen yourself,” Sharon said.
“What d’you mean?”
“I mean you should have seen yourself .”
“I don’t understand, Sharon. I was a bit tipsy, yes, but it was a birthday party. Everyone was a bit tipsy.”
“No, honestly, Ozzy, you should have seen yourself. Actually, would you like to see yourself? I have a video.”
Oh crap, I thought.
Sharon had filmed the whole thing. I couldn’t believe my eyes. In my mind, I’d been the fun dad that everyone wants to have around. Then I saw the reality. Jack was terrified and in tears. Kelly and Aimee were hiding in the shed, also in tears. All the other parents were leaving and muttering under their breath. The clown had a bloody nose. And there was me, in the middle of it all, fat, pissed, cake all over my face, dripping wet from something or other, raving, screaming drunk.
I was a beast. Absolutely terrifying.
Deep down, I knew that all the booze and drugs had turned sour on me; that I’d stopped being funny and zany and had started to become sad. So I went back to rehab.”
Extracted from his new autobiography, I Am Ozzy, Osbourne chronicles the intimate details of his life. If you are already a fan of the Prince of Darkness this book will be far from groundbreaking, but the twisted perversion of viewing a glorious train wreck is too delicious.
While many fans have been faithful followers of Osbourne since fronting Black Sabbath, it wasn’t until the 2002 MTV hit series The Osbournes, that Ozzy gained greater notoriety than he had ever known or knew what to do with.
“One minute I was a dinosaur who’d been told to f*** off by the Lollapalooza music festival; the next I was strapped to a rocket and being blasted through the stratosphere at warp factor ten. When you’ve got a hit TV show in America, that’s as big as it gets, fame-wise. Bigger than being a movie star. Bigger than being a politician. And a lot bigger than being the ex-lead singer of Black Sabbath.
It was terrifying, man. The whole thing felt like Beatlemania on LSD. I was no longer famous for being a singer. I was famous for being that swearing bloke on the telly.
There are things that happened on The Osbournes that I still can’t get my head around. Like when Sharon got a call from one of the anchors at Fox News. “I was wondering if you and Ozzy wanted to have dinner next week with the President of the United States,” she said. I couldn’t believe it. I always thought I’d be on a “Wanted” poster on the Oval Office wall, not invited over for tea.”
The reality series followed Ozzy, his wife Sharon and two of their three children, Jack and Kelly (daughter Aimee chose not to be involved) on their daily routines. Ozzy was portrayed as the loveable, swearing, but buffoonish head of the household. By the series end in 2005, Ozzy and his children were in rehab.
I Am Ozzy retells all the glorious memories of a trashed album review for Black Sabbath by Rolling Stones’ critic Lester Bangs, biting the head off a dove and bat, ant-sniffing, the Alamo urination session and drug-fueled murder attempt to name just a few. They are glorious because Ozzy and those around him survived. The fraction of stories he is capable of remembering is far more living anyone will ever see.
In support of I Am Ozzy, Osbourne has scheduled several book signings. Dates can be found below:
January 25th @ 12:30pm: Barnes and Noble in New York, NY; 6:00pm: Bookends in Ridgewood, NJ
January 26th @ 7:00pm: Borders in New York, NY
January 27th @ 6:00pm: Borders in Philadelphia, PA
January 28th @ 7:00pm: Barens and Noble College Bookstores in Boston, MA
January 30 @ 1:00pm: Barnes and Noble in Skokie, IL
February 2 @ 7:00pm: Book Soup in West Hollywood, CA
February 3rd @7:00pm: Barnes and Noble in Huntington Beach, CA
I Am Ozzy, © Ozzy Osbourne 2009 Published by Sphere Publishing