I am in love with a wonderful man who has asked me to marry him. He is all I could ask for in a partner, and is very kind and generous with me. We have been planning the wedding for almost a year and it is now two months away. The problem is that last night, he brought me papers he had his lawyer draw up to “protect both of us” = a prenup. I really believe that is assuming failure and that he doesn’t have faith in me or our relationship. I do love him and even if we were to ever break up, I would certainly never try to hurt him financially or take what was not rightfully mine. I would try to remain friends. What should I do?
Signed Prenup Problem in Plano.
Your letter was written by someone happy and in love. However, it was written to one that has seen happy and love go to nasty and bitter. I hope for all the world that it doesn’t happen to you, but if it does don’t you want to be protected? Furthermore, wouldn’t you like to negotiate with Mr Generous, while he is still kind and happy rather than when you are in the middle of a divorce and he just wants you to suffer? A marriage is the the ultimate of all partnerships, and in the US, half of them fail. That is the reality. It sounds like he may have more asset- wise than you, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that a prenup would only work in his favor.
You did not ask me a legal question though, you asked me a moral one. You have a man who otherwise, you see as a fine fit for a mate. Don’t look at this as an insult to your integrity, or test of your intentions. So many people see it that way. I see a responsible person who wants to protect against whatif’s now while your both rational. I am not sure why he has waited so long to bring it up, I think if he had brought it up a bit earlier, it would have been to his benefit. He may not have known how to approach you though as it is a sensitive topic. There are many aspects to the partnership of marriage, there is a sexual component, there is the emotional component, there is child raising, and yes there are finances. It is responsible to talk about them before the marriage. Would you enter into a business partnership of any other sort with out discussing the financial aspect of it?
He has come to you with the “business part” of the partnership. Now I don’t know your situation or what the agreement says, but you also have an opportunity to get counsel for yourself and come up with an agreement that makes sense for both of you. It can be as simple or as detailed as you choose to include future children, incomes, degrees you may already hold or will complete after the marriage. There can be infidelity clauses, housewife clauses etc… Only a professional attorney can truly help you navigate through this. Find one that recognizes that you love this man and does not try to turn the prenup into a battle in and of its self, while still protecting your interests.
Congrats on the upcoming wedding! Love, Diva
Send your questions to: Thedatingdiva@hotmail.com
Diva’s Dallas Tip of the Day: Picnic at Founders Plaza at DFW airport. I love this place! Of course because I love flying but I am sure if you pack a perfect picnic basket and bring your guy to watch airplanes launch set to the background noise of the tower talk on a sunny day he will think you are pretty cool!