My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year. The relationship is GREAT, but the sex is BAD.
We waited for about six months to have sex, and the first time we had sex, it wasn’t great, and every attempt thereafter hasn’t been great either. He is not open to oral sex right now, which is the only way I am able to achieve an orgasm with a partner at this point in time. During the one time we did attempt it, he wasn’t “getting the job done,” so I decided to talk him through it so he could please me.
I think his ego got deflated, though, because he stopped midway, and hasn’t tried it again since. He’s also not well-endowed, but I’ve always heard that it’s not size that counts, it’s how you work it. We haven’t tried different positions, yet, and like I wrote above, I don’t know how to get him to attempt performing oral sex on me again.
I have no intentions of breaking up with him because bad sex an entire relationship does not make, and I am madly in love with and plan to marry him, but every time after we have sex, he’s always pleased, and I’m always pissed! He knows this, yet, he’s reluctant to try what I know will please me, and it’s getting irritating. Please advise ASAP! Thanks.
In Love and Need Advice
Dear In Love and Need Advice:
Your insistence on marrying a man that has no interest in pleasing you sexually is shockingly silly. Such a stance means you are focusing on having a WEDDING instead of the MARRIAGE you will have with this man, which is some seriously bass ackwards thinking!
A very important part of a long-term relationship is mutual sexual satisfaction. Without it, the anger and frustration spills over into the rest of the relationship and eventually the dissatisfied partner cheats to get that satisfaction.
So, before you make a decision in one way or another, you really need to be more honest and talk to HIM about it (not me) again and tell him what you need. Tell him that you love him but that since you know that sexual intimacy is such an important part of a marriage, you are hoping you two have good enough communication and trust in each other to weather this storm TOGETHER.
If this guy refuses to participate in learning your body or to listen to you because he thinks he knows everything and you are SUPPOSED TO BE satisfied, then you have a big problem. At that point I would strongly suggest that you reconsider continuing the relationship.
To say that “bad sex an entire relationship does not make” shows how little you really understand about relationships, honey. Bad sex can be overlooked for a short time, but when all the other goals have been reached (like marriage), and there is nothing else for you to dream about, the focus of your relationship will change.
A few more months or even years of unsatisfying sex will cause you to feel like your body is being used to please a man that has no interest in pleasing you. You will see other women enjoying satisfying physical relationships with men that love them and WANT to please them in bed, and you will feel cheated, angry, furious at him.
His repeated refusal to try to learn what pleases you will cause you to feel like you aren’t important enough to him for him to want to make you happy. You’ll start thinking that he is selfish and mean, and your entire relationship will be a disaster that goes up in flames when you cheat on him and go looking for satisfaction elsewhere.
He may be a nice guy, but you two have a serious incompatibility issue here. I think you need to stop discounting the long-term importance of this situation in a happy marriage, and either fix your sex life with him, or get a new man.
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