There are several important factors of marriage that each partner needs to work on and provide for their spouse. Separate from these things,there are 3 main actions that a wife needs from her husband as evidence that he is committed to her and to improving their marriage.
1.Careful Listening without Justification or Argument
Many times a wife out of frustration will throw out a comment that states ” You always____” or “You never_____”. In response to that a husband feels that he needs to challenge this statement by answering “Not always” or “When was the last time?” If a husband can learn to overlook the actual words that his wife uses, and pursue what she actually hopes to accomplish there will be fewer arguments. Of course your wife knows that you don’t ALWAYS or NEVER, but it is important to accept the fact that she is feeling that way for a reason and use your communication skills to address the real problem instead of nitpicking on word usage.
2. Quickness to Admit Error
Many times a husband thinks that admitting he is wrong or made a mistake shows weakness. This leads to the many occasions when a wife will go to bed with hurt feelings, and although the husband knows he was wrong he will attempt to pretend like nothing ever happened the next day. Women need to hear that you are sorry, and that you know you messed up. Admitting that you were wrong and apologizing lets your wife know that you understand even if it doesn’t fix the original issue.
3.Patience When She is Reluctant to Believe You’ve Changed
If you have been making a sincere effort to work at being a better husband to your wife, but can’t seem to get her to believe in the changes you’ve made, don’t give up. It takes time to repair a marriage just as it took time to mess it up. Give your wife time to see that the changes are sincere and not temporary. Show her that no matter how long it takes you are committed to making your marriage work.
This is a topic that is addressed by marriage counselors the world over and the third one is the biggest challenge to couples that are in counseling. It is easy to follow the steps each week,but once you are on your own and not seeing the counselor many couples slip back into their old habits.
We will be addressing the other side of this topic on Monday January 25th. So be sure to return and see what it is that men need from their wives.
If you are interested in learning more about how to improve your marriage contact the helpful counselors at First Things First of Greater Richmond or the Virgnina Association for Marriage and Family Therapy.
Counselors aren’t judgmental, their main goal is to help you and your spouse figure out what is going wrong in your marriage and provide you with the skills to fix it. However if you aren’t quite ready to take that step be sure to read up on helpful marriage advice at the Library of Virginia on Broad Street in Richmond or one of the many library branches in our area.