A victim mentality is when you think everyone else is to blame, or you are not in control of what is happening to you. Parents lower expectations on their children by making excuses for their behavior. And parents lower expectations of their own authority by making excuses for their child’s and their own behavior. As children grow into adulthood, the excuses tend to continue – blaming unfair circumstances, society at large or drugs and alcohol.
How do you get anywhere in life if you are constantly blaming other people for your mistakes? Imagine what kind of mindset that would put you in. You are constantly the victim. Everyone else is constantly the perpetrator. You will probably look at the world through cloudy glasses. Life’s cup is half empty. The world is out to get you. Everything you do will end in failure.
Sounds like a pretty miserable life to live.
If a child is born with a deficit of some kind, or they develop one during their childhood or adolescent years, it is easier for parents to blame the deficit or people and processes involved in treating the deficit, rather than teach the child or teen how to deal with the deficit in a meaningful, productive way.
However, teenagers eventually need to know how to take responsibility and manage their life. They need to learn how to become productive adults. Making excuses and blaming other people or institutions is not a means toward that end.
More articles in this series on the subject of teaching kids to take responsibility:
- Making mistakes is inevitable – blaming others for those mistakes is not (part 2)
- When you allow your teen to make mistakes and learn from them, they feel better about themselves (part 3)
- Take away blame and focus on responsibility (part 4)
If you need help dealing with your teenager, please see these resources in Bucks & Montgomery County:
- Adolescent therapists in Doylestown, Bucks County
- Therapists who specialize in Parenting in Doylestown, Bucks County
- Parenting Therapists in Bucks County
- More Parenting Therapists in Bucks County
- St. Mary’s Parenting Resource Center
- Parenting Therapists in Montgomery County
- Parenting Therapists in Fort Washington, Montgomery County
- Child and Adolescent Therapists in Fort Washington, Montgomery County
- Center for Parenting Education in Montgomery County