You suspect infidelity. Here’s how to tell if it ‘s intuition or insecurity.
Photo: istockphoto.com / Andrea K. Gingerich
You’re certain that he’s cheating on you. But you have nothing to go on, other than a “nagging feeling” that something’s “not quite right.” Despite your best efforts to put this thought out of your mind, it haunts you day and night.
Don’t be so quick to dismiss your intuition. It may not be all in your mind.
According to one study, 85% of the women who “had a feeling” that their husbands or boyfriends were cheating on them , turned out to be right. In fact, there are a number of other infidelity studies that bear that out.
Subconsciously Picking Up the Subtle Signs
The idea of intuitively sensing infidelity is not as far-fetched as it may seem.
There’s actually a scientific explanation for what’s taking place.
What is often perceived as intuition may actually be your subconscious mind at work.
When a woman gets that “feeling” that her husband or boyfriend is having an affair, her mind is subconsciously picking up one or more of the many subtle signs of infidelity.
So while on a conscious level you may be unaware of these subtle telltale signs, your subconscious mind can pick them up.
Does that mean that if you suspect him of cheating, he probably is?
Maybe, maybe not.
It’s important not to confuse intuition with insecurity. Make sure you know the difference between the two.
When It’s Probably NOT Intuition
There’s always a chance that your suspicions could be totally without merit. It could be insecurity at work, rather than intuition, if one or more of the statements below apply to you.
- You are suspicious by nature.
- You have a natural distrust of the opposite sex.
- You have issues with jealousy.
- You are emotionally insecure.
- You suffer from low-self esteem.
- You are paranoid.
- You have an overly active imagination.
- You always think the worst.
If you recognize yourself in any of the statements above, the likelihood is very high that your suspicions, no matter how strong they are, may be groundless. They could be a byproduct of your insecurities, or a figment of your imagination.
Intuition – a Strong Indicator of Infidelity
“I think he’s cheating – how can I be sure”
“I know he’s cheating, but I have no real proof.”
I can’t even begin to count the number of times I’ve had infidelity consultations with suspicious wives or girlfriends that started out with statements similar to the ones above.
Over the years, I’ve encountered hundreds of women who suspected their mates of infidelity, but felt they had nothing to go on.
When questioned as to why they felt so strongly about this, or asked what made them feel that their husbands or boyfriends were cheating, they responded with answers similar to those below.
“I don’t know – it’s just a feeling that I have.”
“I just know he is, but I can’t explain how I know.”
And almost invariably, after looking through the 21 lists of telltale signs in Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs, they will point out dozens of the many subtle signs of infidelity listed there, and tell me that their husband or boyfriend said or did some of those very same things.
Even though they weren’t aware of doing so at the time, they had already subconsciously picked up many of the subtle signs.
Most women are surprised to learn that many seemingly insignificant things they saw or heard — things that happen right in front of their face — are subtle indications of that their spouse or significant other is having an affair.
The subtle signs are there. Knowing what to look for is the key.
Don’t Speculate – Investigate!
No matter how strong your suspicions may be, you should never confront your spouse or significant other about having an affair, or accuse him of cheating unless you have solid proof.
Falsely accusing your husband or boyfriend of infidelity on the basis of suspicion alone, can be as damaging to your marriage or relationship as infidelity itself.
So before you confront him, make sure you’re on solid ground.
If you’re haunted by thoughts that he might be having an affair, you need to take steps to confirm or disprove what you suspect.
Looking for corroborating signs of infidelity will help you determine whether your intuition is on target, or whether insecurity is clouding your judgment, causing you to suspect your mate.
To be absolutely sure, there are 2 things you can do:
• Discreetly check things out with the help of a good infidelity reference book that can help you spot the subtle signs of infidelity.
• If you can afford one, hire a private investigator to check your partner out.
The future of your marriage or relationship may rest on whether or not you can prove or disprove what you suspect.
You need to know for sure. So it’s to your advantage to discreetly check things out.
*** © copyright 2010 Ruth Houston / All Rights Reserved
Ruth Houston is a New York-based infidelity expert who is frequently called on by the media to comment on infidelity issues in the news. She is the author of Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs, the founder of InfidelityAdvice.com and publishes the Infidelity News and Views blog.
For more information about infidelity, cheating men, and extramarital affairs, see:
What Should I Do if i Think He or She is Cheating on Me?
13 Things Everyone Should Know About Signs of Infidelity
Why Most Cheaters Don’t Get Caught
Why the Wife is Still the Last to Know
3 Things a Wife Stands to Lose by Being the Last to Know
Before Searching for Signs of Infidelity, Prepare Yourself for What You Might Find
What NOT to Do If He’s Cheating on You
Don’t Be Misled by the Top 10 Signs of Infidelity
Is He Cheating? – Is She Cheating? 21 Ways You Can Tell (free tip sheet)
The Best Investment You Can Make in Your Relationship for 2010
How to Catch a Cheating Husband
Infidelity Resources to Help You Catch a Cheating Mate
When Should You Hire a Private Investigator to Check Out a Cheating Mate
5 Things You SHOULDN’T Do If he’s Cheating on You (free tip sheet)
Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs (softcover book)
Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs (e-book version with Affair Recovery information)
Free Infidelity Tip Sheets and Special Reports