I am a handsome, intelligent 21 year old black man that lives in the Ocean View district. I chose you to write to because you are black and you seem cool. My problem is that aside from being handsome and intelligent the only other thing I have going for me is my girlfriend of two years. She’s a beautiful, intelligent young woman with a good head on her shoulders and sometimes its hard for me to see why she’s with me.
I work but I still live at home and I don’t have a car. I should be in college, like her, but I keep putting it off. I want to go to school and be a success but my late start has worked to discourage me. I feel that I should already have a house and a car and be on my way to getting a degree.
I get down on myself for not being the man I wish I could be, and that leads to problems with me and my girl. I feel that she could do better and if given the opportunity she will. I’m insecure because she’s all I got and I don’t think I have what it takes to keep her.
She insists that she loves me and will wait for me but I don’t want her to grow tired of waiting. Most of all I want to be someone that she and I can be proud of. What advice can you give me?
Get off your butt, stop whining about what you don’t have and what you aren’t, and get on with it! You claim you want all these things for her and for herself, but you aren’t doing JACK to make them happen!!
Not only that, you are putting her in a position in your life where she is not only being forced to be overly responsible for your happiness, but viewed as some sort of possession. Is that fair?
What would you do for yourself and about life if you two were to break up? Why can’t you see that you are a valuable person just as you are, but that you can be even better with a little effort. I’d like you stop procrastinating and wasting your time.
You can enroll in a community college such as City College of San Francisco or Skyline College this week and start in the summer program. Apply for scholarships and grants or student loans to help you out financially if you need it.
Arrange the hours at your part-time job so you can continue supporting yourself like a young man should while you are bettering yourself by going to school. Even if you take only two classes per semester, in a couple of years you will have an AA degree – the same “couple of years” you could also spend doing nothing but wishing you were a better man.
Realize this: a woman will stand by her man forever if she loves him and sees that he is trying. Every woman wants to be proud of her man, and she wants to be a part of their future by working with him to build that future together.
At the tender age of 21 you are hardly old enough to have a mortgage (a car maybe), and I don’t know why you are putting all this pressure on yourself. But I want you to immediately stop sitting on your behind, acting pitiful and whining.
You can do better and I expect you to do it. Keep me posted on your progress, okay?
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